Airplane

Flying is a hassle for tall people. Ceilings are too low, seats are too close together, and the overall "baby giraffe stuffed into a cardboard box" experience is one we like to avoid.

But today was especially... interesting.

It began with the Southwest check-in guy anoncing to 50+ people in line, "I'm not checking her in, she's too tall." Of course, I laugh with him. (Life lesson: this usually works with most morons, giving them enough satisfaction to shut up while they're ahead.)

Unfortunately, this gave him momentum. He then blurted out "Yeah, you could beat me up or something."

I glanced at the other check in lady. She looked at me with pity.... Poor tall girl. Hope she doesn't file a harassment lawsuit.

So I stepped back and analyzed the situation.

Option A) Stare the guy down and then move on as if he never existed. Unfortunately, am incapable of this. I've only done this twice, and it was after someone said something incredibly horrible. (Those people are too pathetic to dignify with my blog. I am going to spare the reputation of humanity and move on.)

Option B) Make fun of him. In hindsight, this would have been a good option. He and Gary Busey had similar facial features and IQ's.

Option C) RUN. Not possible at an airport unless you want to spend the night with a federal officer.

But before I could show him my spindly 6-foot wingspan and pinch my tiny bicep to prove my punyness, ANOTHER TALL GIRL showed up next to me. Hallelujah. But suddenly she got kind of angry. It was scary.

He started to backtrack, and said we were "beautiful.... But too strong." I started to get really confused. So I snatched my boarding pass from the ticket lady and ran.

#7 Short Shorts

great thing about being tall #7: short shorts. they are just that much shorter. enough said.

go tall!

#6 Being a Beacon

Great thing about being tall #6: helping your friends find their way back.

We do our friends a service when we go into large crowds with them. No need for obnoxious matching t'shirts or whistles attached to lanyards. If you get lost, just go to the tall.

"Hey guys, let's split up for a while and then meet at Kristen at like 4:00."

great dress pants

I finally found a great pair of comfortable, super long dress pants.

http://us.longtallsally.com/tall/pants/neva-allegropant/black?category=f-020_pants

lookout corporate world, i'm ready to climb that ladder. in my new pants.

#5 Higher Ground

I love being tall and hugging. I wrap my arms around 'so and so' and my head is either above theirs or next to it. But to all the shorties, they hug me and bam. Face in my boobs.

Go tall!

#4 Big Hands

Great thing about being tall #4: Big Hands

Ever needed to grab a cantaloupe in a hurry with one hand? Well, I can.

Other ways in which these long fingers/big hands make my life easier:

getting the last olive from the jar.

handling cats.

reaching into skinny long crevices to fish out small objects.

weaving?

playing the piano.

giving the best high-fives.

#3 Fewer Muggers

Great thing about being tall #3: Fewer Muggers.

Now I dont want to say NO muggers (that would just be asking for it) but chances that someone is going to come after a girl over 6 feet is highly unlikely. Why would they attack me when there are plenty of other shrimps around for the picking? (hey friends, maybe that's why i choose you as friends. live bait. think about that one.)

If I get mugged, then fine. That's karma. But I doubt it. I'm pretty frightening. I dare you to attack me! HAI - YAH!

#2 The Lazy Reach

Great thing about being tall #2: The Lazy Reach

There's that moment: when you're lying down on the couch or bed and you have to grab something on the ground, a faraway table, or across the room.

Most regular humans wouldn't even attempt such a feat. The remote control, dropped cell phone, or rolling bottle of advil will stay there, dormant, until that person has the inner strength to sit up and brave the hardwood floors.

-- but alas! Out your arms go, like a frog's tongue or spiderman's hand webs. It takes one tiny groan to finally reach it, but you do. It's a triumph of the human spirit, and of the will to be lazy.

Unfortunately the laziness involved prevents any sort of victory fist pump. But we know how awesome we are.

Great Things About Being Tall

#1 Being able to reach anything at the grocery store, and feeling like a superhero for the tiny old ladies who can't reach the shake 'n bake.

Clothes

A big question for the tall ladies out there is this: what cuts of clothing make us look the most... proportional? I have a strangely short torso and too-long legs, so it's hard for me to make things work. I usually buy regular-human shirts and go elsewhere for my pants, but often end up looking like a potato with two chopsticks stabbed in the bottom.

But last year, one of my mentors taught me some amazing tips for proportioning my "look," as they say. (and by "they," I mean people over 45).

Trick #1. V-Necks. The V-Neck creates longer lines, breaking up the large chunks of color that you'd get with a crew neck. The best possible look is a double-V that will break up a long shirt of a dress.

Trick #2. 3 Equal Parts. One of my favorite looks has only 1 qualification: you must be wearing 2 items of clothing that are the same length as the visible part of your legs (or pants). So get a high-waisted longish skirt, a medium shirt, and voila. You will be chopped into three proportionate parts and people will just be DAZZLED by your normalcy.

Wanna get wild? Go for 4 parts! cute top, short skirt, tights, and tall boots! BAM!

Trick #3 Long shirts. If you're short waisted like me, long shirts will make you LOOK long waisted and more proportionate.

Trick #4 Big Accessories. Big purses, big earrings, etc. These things make you look smaller. The same goes for all items. Don't hold anything too small (chihuahuas, shot glasses, miniature horses) because then you'll look like a giant. Instead, hold big stuff (big gulps, disney's mickey hand gloves, regular sized horses), and you'll look tiny.

Trick #5 Long Necklaces. Creates a V-Neck even when you aren't wearing one.

Trick #6 No Onesies. This is obvious for all adults. But in the same thread, don't wear all one color. Monochromatic onesie looks don't flatter.

Moral of the story, dress up. Go out. Show off! BE TALL YEAHHH! too excited? never.

Post Secret

A great post-secret postcard this week.

A Higher Point of View

BIG NEWS: my tall video has reached 3,500 youtube hits!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybI6mLm2hyk

if only that many people read my blog. (maybe my inability to update has something to do with this.) but whoohoo! internet celeb! (too far?)

i'm so glad people can relate to being tall. or maybe i'm the next william hung or something.... maybe people are laughing AT me rather than WITH me. eh, OH WELL!